During the next 2 years the darkness (as I like to call it) was the blackest. I was confronted with sins from God, gently rebuked by my husband, and angry at everyone. As a family we only attended church services and a gathering for moms twice a month - nothing else. Much of fellowship was cut off to deal with it all. There was a few months of biblical counselling, a couple times away in Canada with my parents and more. I was at the end of things near Nienna's first birthday. My mom had been down to help for a month, had to head home and my doctor had put me on an antidepressant.
Providentially we had a visit from a good friend (who is a clinical therapist) we hadn't seen in months. She recommended me to a natural doctor in the area who could help with hormonal problems and postpartum. I was able to go see the NP just before Christmas.
Now the past years were used for God to purge and refine me spiritually (as in Job). But now I was needing physical aide. Dealing with postpartum for so long was having very bad effects on my body. The depression was only one of the troubles. Now it was like I was going through a second puberty or maybe menopause. I wasn't sleeping, yet I was constantly tired, couldn't think at all and wasn't able to properly care for my kids. The antidepressant wasn't helping me.
The NP started me on some supplements and nutrients and helped me with a diet that was better for me. I was able to wean off the antidepressant and started seeing light again. The darkness was lifting.