Daily Waiting for the Light

Moving...

2011-08-11T07:27:00.000-05:00

Just to let you know, I have moved my blog to WordPress. This is the new HTML link: http://www.dailywaitingforthelight.wordpress.com/ Please update your links so we can stay in contact. :)

Accidental Traditions...

2011-08-08T13:30:00.001-05:00

As I was thinking over what light God has been showing me lately I realized there is one thing that has always been in my family and never ceases to bring joy. It is the wonderful tradition of tea before bed.

Now I mean hot tea; not iced. Yep, you heard that right; a cup of hot tea on a night when it's 90+ degrees outside and there is only window air conditioning. We are hard core! :) Of course, hot tea on a cold Minnesota winter night is perfect.

Growing up in Canada (or it may just be my family) my sisters and I were considered "Polly" and one of us would 'put the kettle on' around 8 pm and all 7 of us would share a pot of tea. Early in our marriage Nate started sharing a pot of tea with me in the evenings. The tradition continues to this day - 11 years later. While he prefers the green teas, I am sold on black teas (Earl Gray by Twinings can't be beat). It is our way of calming down before bed and it always helps start conversations.

Rarely a night goes by without Nate asking if I want a cup of tea. So after the kids are in bed the kettle gets filled and turned on and the rest is history.

I see this tradtion as a light or gift from God because it always has a calming effect on our minds and bodies. But it also has been the means that God used to help keep communication strong between us. We want to sit down and talk about the day or schedules or just about anything when we have a cup of tea in our hands.

And this is a means of grace that I am truly thankful for and want to pass on to my kids...

A giving heart...

2011-07-29T19:47:00.001-05:00

The kids set the table and picked the flowers.

One thing my husband has instilled in my kids is a desire to give; especially when it is to someone they love or think mom and dad love.

To celebrate our 11th anniversary we had a special meal with our kids. When I told them that we were making a special meal to suprise daddy they all pitched in and helped for the whole day!

Yum!

We made cream puffs, chicken pot pie and garlic bread. We also had balsamic vinegar and olive oil to dip the bread in and sparkling grape juice to drink.

Cream Puffs

The kids helped with food prep and setting the table. Then we all waited anxiously for daddy to come home. (It is amazing how long 10 minutes can be) :)

I am so thankful that God is working in my kids hearts and giving them the joy of serving others with love. I pray that it continues to grow and spread to everyone they meet...

A wonderful family celebration!

A Poem...

2011-06-29T14:13:00.000-05:00

I just read this poem and wanted to share it. It is taken out of The Old Testament and the Fine Arts by Cynthia Pearl Maus.

HERE'S A THOUGHT TO TUNE YOUR HARP TO

by William L. Stidger (from I Saw God Wash the World)

Here's a thought to tune your harp to,

Here's a song that you can sing;
Here's a dream to play your pipe to:

There is God in everything!

There is God in every dawning;

God in every noon and night;

God in every roll of thunder,

God in every flash of light.

There is God in every rose-bud,

God in grass, and grain, and tree;

God in every planet, wheeling

Through the dusky midnight sea.

There is God in song and laughter,

God in loving hope and dream;

God in every dear child's sweetness;

God in every silver stream.

God in growth and evolution,

God in history and hope;

God in dim and distant mornings

Where the poets dream and grope.

Here's a hope to tune your harp to,

Here's a bell to boom and ring;

Here's a faith that will requite you

There is God in everything!

This was so neat...

2011-06-03T06:59:00.000-05:00

Around the cities you will quite often find someone standing on the corner of an intersection with a cardboard sign. They usually say "Homeless: anything helps. God bless!" I don't always know the proper response to them as I don't usually have anything to give - money or practical - and I don't always know if they are honestly needy.

However, 2 days ago as we were driving home from school we passed an intersection where one older gentleman normally sits in his walker. There were 2 young men talking with him. They had given him a hot dog, water bottle and a bag of chips. As we waited for a green light we saw these men reach out and touch the older man on the shoulders and start praying for him.

I am not sure what the response of the older man was, as we had a green light and needed to move on. But seeing the heart and generosity of those young men to this older man was encouraging. I now know that he has been helped in a practical way and I know God heard the prayers of those men. I pray they will hold fast and that older man would see the answers to those prayers and his heart (and circumstances) would be changed.

Happiness is...

2011-05-26T14:11:00.000-05:00

The first homemade popsicles on a sunny spring day.

Millions of things...

2011-05-24T07:26:00.001-05:00

That is what God is working on right now.

I was reminded of that this morning while talking with Jared. We talked about the tornado that hit some of his friends' houses on Sunday. We talked about where it hit in his cousins' neighborhood. We talked about how they were coping with it. We talked about how God planned for all this and it is still good. We talked about how one of his friend's was having spinal surgery this week. We talked about praying for him and the tornado effected area in Minneapolis. We talked about how God makes everyone (including disabled people) perfect. We talked about a video I had watched last night about a young man that God made - perfect - without arms and legs and how he is trusting and praising God now.

All this, and more filled our conversation this morning.

God is working right now. He is working on a million things that have no impact on me personally. But he is also working on a million things in me.

I needed that reminder this morning. I needed (and will keep needing it) to see that God is in control of everything. He is with me today and he will make all things work together for good.

Lord, please take my heart this morning and help me remember throughout today that you are in control and your plan is best for me. Help me remember that no matter the circumstances (because I always let them affect me) you are working them out for your good. Help me to be like it says in James to "count it all joy when I fall into various trials". I know that will not be my natural response, but I also know that your power is awailable to me and by grace that response is possible. Do your good pleasure in me today. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Busy Morning Light

2011-05-09T08:39:00.000-05:00

God showed himself to our family on a busy, event-filled Saturday morning. We were out shopping and running errands with all 3 kids for 4 1/2 hours and God gave much grace to enjoy the morning and get everything done.

First, while we were waiting outside the Registry while Nate was doing paperwork for our car. All around the grass by our car were little sticks that had falled off the trees. So the kids rounded up as many as they could find and we tried to build a log house. What do you think? Jared prefered breaking it down the house before we left. :)

When we got home it was time for lunch and pbj's were on the menu. This is what we found when we opened the new jar of peanut butter.

It is always interesting to see the little details that God uses to show that he is still with us. We just need eyes to see them. So I invite you to join me in looking for these details and in growing to see better every day.

There is always hope...

2011-03-28T08:43:00.000-05:00

After recently telling my friends that I am not that contemplative, it seems that God is making me retract that statement. Or at least reminding me that I am His no matter what my personality's default is. :)

These past few days are causing all the deep thoughts and reasonings. I have had intense creatively juicy days followed by serious doldrums. Then I woke up this morning missing many, many things of my home country: a kind of homesickness.

All this up and down of my emotions is causing me to reflect and figure out what is going on. So this is where God is taking me:

Psalm 65:9 starts with "You visit the earth and water it; you greatly enrich it." This reminded me (along with the sunshine this morning) that spring is coming. But He is the one who is bringing it. My thought that there is always hope is what God is using to help me understand all these crazy roller-coaster emotions. He is taking care of the earth. From the frost in the morning to the sunset at evening and back again He is in control. So my hope is that because I am of more value than many sparrows He is taking care of me too.

So as the song I heard on Sunday says, I will "Go down to deep waters." The Spirit will lead me there and refresh me....that is my hope.

Quirks...

2011-02-14T14:14:00.000-06:00

A practical way to show love to my daughter this Valentine's Day: help her clean out toe jam.

Yep, you read that right. Nienna still has trouble putting socks on her little feet; so everyday she brings me a pair of colorful, girly socks and asks me to help her put them on. If they happen to be inside out she will take care of putting them right-side-out. (She likes to give them a couple good shakes and thinks that is magic.) Then she puts one foot up, hands me a sock and stretches her little toe away from the next one. My job is to take her sock and rub out anything that looks like dirt from between all her toes. Then, and only then, can I put her sock on her foot. We then repeat the process for the other foot.

So if you can't think of something awesome and earth-shattering to do for someone you love today, try something practical: like cleaning out their toe jam. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Gift of Mercy...

2011-01-20T20:59:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while my husband likes to share stories from Voice of the Martyrs with our kids. Tonight he showed them the cover page of the January 2011 issue. It is a picture of a young girl from South East Asia. Her faced is very badly burned (that's a mild way of putting it). But she is smiling and her heart looks so happy.

Our kids' first response was surprise and amazement. Nienna even thought she wasn't human. But when we shared her story and how God is using that pain in her life for good - for her and others - they were very curious as to how this could be. Nate was able to share that her face shines brighter with the glory of Christ than it would if she hadn't been burned.

Then Nienna said, "I want her to be my friend. I need to pray for her right now." She then proceeded to pray that this girl and her family would be safe and not burned anymore. Then she drew a map (because we showed them how far she lived from the US) and put it up on her wall by her bed to remember "the girl who got burned". Nienna has never responded that way so strongly before. The mercy that God showed through her tonight was a gift that I don't want to forget. And I pray that will grow in her and be from a heart that is changed by God.

Christmas Surprise!

2010-12-31T07:29:00.010-06:00

Our Christmas and New Year's went by rather quickly, but there were many blessings to be thankful for. The one that tops the list was a surprise visit from the man who fixed our electricity back in June. He, his wife and son showed up at our house on Christmas Eve with a new bunk bed for our boys. They also brought a large pan of very yummy lasagna, biscuits and presents for each of us.

The surprise wasn't what made this the best blessing of the holiday, it was the bed. You see, Peter had asked me about getting a new bed because his other one (our old love seat) was getting too small for him. I told him that we would have to pray about God providing a new bed for him. This was back in the beginning of November.

When Peter found out he had a new bed he started running around the house and yelling "Thank you God, thank you God". It is a priceless moment when your child realizes that God cared for him and answered his prayer. And this prayer was answered in a huge way. We have a bunk bed with attached dresser and desk - it fills their little upstairs room.

Peace on Earth

2010-12-08T07:02:00.000-06:00

During this busy holiday season we always talk about Peace. But more often then not my home and heart are not at peace.

But this morning as I sat down to check my e-mail I found a letter from one of my uncles in my inbox. It was his Christmas letter; it had a part of a verse in it that brought peace to my heart. You see, we had a very busy night last night. Our kids had their school Christmas program and with the distance of the school from home and the timing of it all we were gone from 3:30 pm to 9:00 pm. The program was good, my boys did very well (forgot the camera at home so I have no pictures for you); but, K-5th grade programs are not known for their calm restfulness. :) So after helping with the clean up, getting home and not sleeping so well I am definitely in the need for some peace. And that peace wasn't in my heart...

Here is the verse:

Ephesians 2:14
For He Himself is our peace.

There's the light I needed. Jesus Christ, the child who was born at Christmas, is the one who not only brings peace, he is my peace. That is the point of today. If I need peace in my heart and can't find any of it in my home I must go to the one who is Himself peace.

Thank you Lord for being peace. There are many places and ways that I look for - and sometimes find - peace. But you are peace. So help me look to you when all is crumbling under and around me today. Help me remember the reason you came to die for me. Help me see that my sins (they are the cause of my lack of peace, aren't they?) are washed away in your blood. And that I don't have to fear the ciaos around me because you are with me. Thank you for coming and being born to Mary and living that sinless life and suffering and dying. You are definitely the reason we celebrate Christmas. Help me to remember that today!
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Oops! and hi again...

2010-11-15T09:16:00.000-06:00

I thought it had been awhile since I last posted, but I didn't realize how long. :)

I am finding that my priorities are changing and time is short, so sadly, this blog has been set on the lower end of the list.

God is still showing me light on a daily basis. But I find that if I don't write it down shortly after I usually forget it. But I have something from this weekend that I wanted to share.

Here in Minnesota we had our first BIG snow storm. It was the warmer, thick, fluffy, sticky kind of snow. Our tress and fences were weighed down and looked beautiful. I always am amazed that the thing God uses to show everything has stopped growing is so beautiful. New white snow reminded me that God can make beauty out of anything.

He also reminded me of the joy children have. We were woken up by yells of "it's snowing!" and kids running around trying to find coats and boots and mittens so they could go out and play in it. That is a simple joy my kids had and shared with me.

Did you have fun in the snow too? I would love to hear what the first snow shows you about God...

A quick reminder...

2010-09-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

My days are filled with quick reminders now. It feels good to be this busy, but I am starting to miss staying home all day. :)

The reminder I had this morning is a quote my husband uses when it seems that God has left me in my trouble. He says, "The Lord is with you mighty warrior."

Most often I don't feel mighty. More often then not I feel beat down and weary. But it reminds me that God hasn't left me alone and I am a mighty warrior even if I don't feel that way. God has the strength I need to finish the current fight I am in.

Today, I am not in a fight...yet. :) But it was good to be reminded of this promise from God, so maybe it will be there when the fight comes.

Heading west...

2010-09-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

...just like a pioneer. That is how I feel this week.

My boys started at private school this week and we are all breaking new ground - again. We broke new ground last year with in-depth homeschooling. So I feel a lot like Little House on the Prairie - we just get the ground plowed and sown and used to our home and now it is time to move on.

I am so thankful for all God's work and grace during this transition. He has provided for us in ways we thought were impossible. But he keeps providing...and growing...and testing...and building my faith.

I read James 1 yesterday morning and verse 4 really hit home. Here are the 2 verses prior to it so you can have a little context:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Then verse 4 said, "And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." I realize that often I do not see my faith through to its completion. I don't usually wait around for the fruit to grow; I just plant the seed and watch the seedling grow and move on.

God brought home that these testings and hardships are just his way of growing my faith. And I need to wait until he is finished that work in me - until I see the fruit. So this week (and the next...) I pray that God will help me to wait until he has worked in me that particular thing in my heart and soul and life and see what the fruit looks like. Then move on to the next test.

Lord's Day Prayer, #8...

2010-08-22T08:00:00.001-05:00

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever. Amen.

We desire in all our prayers to praise you, for you are great and greatly to be praised. Psalm 145:3 We praise your kingdom, for it is an everlasting kingdom and endures throughout all generations, Psalm 145:13 and the scepter of your kingdom is a scepter of uprightness. You love righteousness and hate wickedness. Psalm 45:6-7 To you belongs steadfast love, and you will render to a man according to his works. Psalm 62:12 We praise your power, for you have a mighty arm; strong is your hand, high is your right hand, and yet righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you. Psalm 89:13-14 We praise your glory; may the glory of the LORD endure forever. Psalm 104:31 Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be.* O let God be praised in his sanctuary and praised in his mighty heavens! Let him be praised for his mighty deeds and praised according to his excellent greatness! Psalm 150:1-2 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD! Hallelujah! Psalm 150:6

* Gloria Patri.

Getting ready for school...

2010-08-21T10:55:00.000-05:00

I have found that these past few weeks my mind is so full of school prep that I can't think on much else. But God is still good and brings me light in simple ways. So I thought I would share one of those with you...

My boys can't wait for the How To Train Your Dragon DVD release in October. They love anything dragon or viking right now. And one day Jared found out our last name - Qualley - was Norwegian. He was so excited; because, if something is Norwegian then it is Viking.

So Jared now walks around wearing a pair of shorts (no shirt), a belt with sword and scabbard and a cape. He even paces back and forth in our front yard protecting our home. He is the resident viking warrior when daddy isn't home. However, he is quite sure he doesn't want the long, braided hair and beard. Peter, on the other hand, is undecided. Peter thinks it is so cool he is an official viking that he is telling all the neighbors about it.

I am so thankful to God that he has given my boys an imagination and joy in how he made them. They don't have to pretend to be something else. My prayer is that this little fact will come to mind as they learn contentment in who they are in Christ.

And maybe, their mom can learn the same thing...

Lord's Day Prayer, #7...

2010-08-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil...

And, Lord, forasmuch as there is in us a bent to turn away from you, Hosea 11:7 so that when our sins are forgiven, we are ready to turn back to folly, Psalm 85:8 we pray that you will not only forgive us our debts but take care of us, that we may not offend anymore. Job 34:32 Lord, lead us not into temptation. We know that no one can say when he is tempted that he is being tempted by God, for God himself tempts no one; James 1:13 but we know that God is able to make all grace abound to us, 2 Corinthians 9:8 and to keep us from stumbling and present us blameless. Jude 1:24 We therefore pray that you will never give us over to our own stubborn hearts, to follow our own counsels, Psalm 81:12 but restrain Satan, that roaring lion who goes about seeking someone to devour; 1 Peter 5:8 and grant that we may not be ignorant of his designs. 2 Corinthians 2:11 O let not Satan have us, to sift us like wheat; or however, let our faith not fail. Luke 22:31-32 Let not the messengers of Satan be permitted to harass us; 2 Corinthians 12:7 but if they do, let your grace be sufficient for us, that where we are weak, there we may be strong, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 and may be more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37 And the God of peace crush Satan under our feet, and do it shortly. Romans 16:20 And since we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against rulers and authorities and the cosmic powers over this present darkness, Ephesians 6:12 let us be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Ephesians 6:10

Lord's Day Prayer, #6...

2010-08-08T08:00:00.001-05:00

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...

But blessed be God, there is a way found out of agreeing with our accuser; for if anyone sins, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous, and he is the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 2:1-2 For his sake, we entreat you, blot out all our transgressions, Psalm 51:1 and enter not into judgment with us. Psalm 143:2 He is our Guarantor, Hebrews 7:22 who restored what he did not steal, Psalm 69:4 that blessed Arbiter, who has laid his hand on us both. Job 9:33 Through him let us be reconciled to God, 2 Corinthians 5:20 and let the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands be cancelled and set aside, being nailed to the cross of Christ, that we may be made alive together with Christ, having all our trespasses forgiven us. Colossians 2:13-14 Be merciful toward our iniquities, and remember our sins no more. Hebrews 8:12

And as an evidence that you have forgiven our sins, we plead with you, give us grace to forgive our enemies, to love those who hate us and bless those who curse us; Matthew 5:44 for we acknowledge that if we do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will our Father forgive our trespasses. Matthew 6:15 And therefore we forgive, Lord; we desire heartily to forgive, if we have a complaint against another, as the Lord has forgiven us. Colossians 3:13 Far be it from us to say that we will repay evil, Proverbs 20:22 or that we should avenge ourselves; Romans 12:19 but we pray that all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander may be put away from us, along with all malice; and that we may be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave us. Ephesians 4:31-32 O make us merciful, even as our Father who is in heaven is merciful, Luke 6:36 who has promised that with the merciful he shows himself merciful. Psalm 18:25

Insight and wisdom...

2010-08-05T09:24:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 2:1-5 as it hit me this morning...

My dear daughter Gwyn, if you hear and receive my words and treasure my commandments I have given to you, by making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out to me for insight and raise your voice in prayer for understanding, if you seek it like a certain knitting pattern and search for it as for that specific color scheme you want in this room, then, my dear daughter, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God (me, your father).

I realized that too often I seek for my help and wisdom from other sources. I look to the web for inspiration on my next project, I look to books and magazines for how to decorate or organize my home and kids, and I look to people to help me solve my problems. But I should be looking to God - my father - first. He may use the web, books, magazines and people as tools to help me, but it is the Spirit that teaches me.

Lord's Day Prayer, #5...

2010-08-01T08:00:00.001-05:00

Give us this day, our daily bread...

You, O God, who have appointed us to seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness, have promised that if we do so, other things will be added to us: Matthew 6:33 And therefore, having prayed for the sanctifying of your name, the coming of your kingdom, and the doing of your will, we next pray, Father in heaven, give us this day, and each day, our daily bread. Luke 11:3

But if the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; if the produce of the olive should fail, and the fields yield no food; if the flock should be cut off from the fold, and there should be no herd in the stalls, yet let us have grace to rejoice in the LORD and to take joy in the God of our salvation. Habbukuk 3:17-18

10 years together...

2010-07-29T08:54:00.000-05:00

Thank you Lord for this man and the gift I have been given to share my life with him. You are a good a gracious God. Please continue to lead us and be with us as we journey thru' the next 10 (or more) years. Amen.

Lord's Day Prayer, #4...

2010-07-25T08:00:00.004-05:00

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven...

Father, let your will be done concerning us and ours: 1 Samuel 3:12 Behold, here we are; it is the LORD, let him do to us what seems good to him; 1 Samuel 3:18 let the will of the Lord be done. Acts 21:14 O give us to submit to your will in conformity to the example of the Lord Jesus who said, “Not as I will, but as you will”; Matthew 26:39 and to say, “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. Job 1:21 Shall we receive good from the Lord, and shall we not receive evil also?” Job 2:10

Frustration...

2010-07-24T10:40:00.000-05:00

What do you with frustration? I know that my response is definitely not godly. It usually leads me to anger and the need to 'bridle' my tongue. But I read an article on Hannah by John MacArthur this morning and was struck by a thought. It was the fact that Hannah didn't use her frustration of infertility and the jealous, nagging, second wife to draw her away from God. Rather, it drew her to God.

That was a good conviction...does my frustration make me more prayerful or more angry?

Heavenly Father, there is much in this world and my life that causes frustration. I know that this will always be a struggle - until you return - because of our sinful hearts and world. But Lord, please help me to remember that the trials you put in my way are for my growth as your child. May the hurts and frustrations be a reminder that I need your help in every area. May I learn to be like Hannah and not complain about them, but that I might pour out my heart to you. Because just like you answered Hannah, you will answer me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Lord's Day Prayer, #3...

2010-07-18T08:00:00.001-05:00

Your kingdom come...

O let the kingdom of your glory be hastened; we believe it will come. We look for the Savior, the Lord Jesus, Philippians 3:20 to come on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. Matthew 24:30 We hope that he shall appear to our joy; Isaiah 66:5 we love his appearing; we are waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God; 2 Peter 3:12 make us ready for it, Matthew 24:44 that we may then raise our heads with joy, knowing that our redemption is drawing near. Luke 21:28 And, O that we may have such firstfruits of the Spirit that we ourselves may groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies; Romans 8:23 and may we have a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is best of all. Philippians 1:23

Lord's Day Prayer, #2...

2010-07-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

Hallowed be your name...

We desire to exalt the LORD our God, to worship at his footstool, Psalm 99:5 at his holy mountain; to praise his great and awesome name, Psalm 99:3 for it is holy, for the LORD our God is holy. Psalm 99:9 You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. Psalm 22:3

Enable us as we have received gifts, so to use them to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace – in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 4:10-11 And if we suffer, enable us to suffer as Christians and to glorify God in that name; 1 Peter 4:16 for this is our eager expectation and hope: that always Jesus Christ may be honored in our bodies, in life and death. Philippians 1:20

Loneliness...

2010-07-08T06:53:00.001-05:00

I don't normally struggle with loneliness - I usually seek it. But a couple weeks ago I felt how it can sting.

There were many, many things going on in my life: I was running kids to and from summer school, my husband was working long hours, I was getting good fellowship time with friends and family; so there was no reason to feel lonely. But one morning I realized that the emotion causing all the pain inside me was loneliness.

I felt that nothing in my life was where it should be, no one in my life was where there should be or doing what they should do and I was at the end of my emotional rope. This was foreign ground and I was scared...what was I to do? I went back and forth in my mind with anger and bitterness and sorrow until the Spirit brought a verse to mind. It was the first part of James 4:8,

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you...

You see, I was lonely because I was wallowing in self-pity. My family and routine and home and friends were good blessings from God, but I was looking to them for peace from the business and chaos in my heart. I had put my circumstances and family (my husband in particular) on a pedastal as my salvation from this emotional pain.

God is so good to us, is he not? Here I was, rolling around - by choice - in idolatry and crying out to him, "Why is this hard?" and "Where are you?". Then he quietly and gently brought the light back so I could see how terribly sinful I was. Then I was allowed to repent and come back to him. The loneliness was taken away - because it was just an illusion.

Now don't get me wrong, I haven't conquered it. I know this will come back. But God has set a reminder in the path; he has put road markers on my path - I just need to keep my eyes open. :)

Here is a quote I am using to fight this from coming back:

When you experience loneliness, let your emotions be a signal that you need God.

And Lamantations 3:25:

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him; to the person who seeks Him.

Lord's Day Prayer, #1...

2010-07-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

This is the first of a series of prayers from Matthew Henry. The following is one from the Introduction of chapter 7 and Our Father. Use it (and the following ones) to aid you in praying through the Lord's Prayer with more knowledge and understanding in Him.

You are the Father of lights, James 1:17 the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort: 2 Corinthians 1:3 the Everlasting Father, Isaiah 9:6 from whom and through whom and to whom are all things. Romans 11:36

Lord's Day Prayer...

2010-06-27T11:39:00.000-05:00

I receive a short newsletter from Matthew Henry's Study of Prayer every morning. I am quite often encouraged by the prayer he recorded from various scriptures. There has been a few times where I needed one that morning it arrived. I want to share some of those with you over the next few weeks on Sunday mornings. And I will start with prayering through the Lord's Prayer. I will start next week - the first Sunday in July.

May it help your week as it does mine...

Something for your funny bone...

2010-06-24T12:57:00.000-05:00

Coming home from summer school today, Peter was talking about playing in our little pool this afternoon. We don't have AC in our car and he was very hot from playing soccer at school so he was very ready to beat the heat with some water. He said very matter-of-factly, "Mom, I need to get into the pool in a gypsy."

I think he meant 'jiffy'. :)

Faith...

2010-06-18T14:26:00.001-05:00

God has taken our family on an adventure this past week. Though it usually didn't feel that way inside my head. It usually looked like anxiety or fear or hopelessness.

We had our power go out on Saturday night; but it didn't just go out, it was cycling in and out and around the house. First it was the bathroom, then the kitchen, then the phone, etc. It was rather interesting...

Then it got better, we figured out that if we ran our dryer on high we could have power to the whole house - that is of course until the dryer stopped. But the problem with that was the dryer had no heat, so in the process of having power we couldn't get our laundry dried. :)

We had our energy guys out to check things, the phone company reconnect our line and an electritian come; and after 7 days we are finally back to normal.

In the midst of all this my heart was very heavy. I was in tears more than once. I was unable to shake the hopeless feelings at times or feeling overwhelmed because I was unable to reach out for help. My faith was, and still is, quite small.

But God is great, and good. He used 3 specific things to help me through this. And tho' I am not over these feelings quite yet, I have these to fall back on as a reminder of God still being in control and loving me.

The first was Job 5:18-21:

For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal. He will deliver you from six troubles; in seven no evil shall touch you. In famine he will redeem you from death, and in war from the power of the sword. You shall be hidden from the lash of the tongue, and shall not fear destruction when it comes.

I looked back at everything, and if we could count all the troubles in our path they might have added up to 6 or 7. This gave me hope that he would deliver us and keep us from evil.

The second was Philippians 3:13-14:

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

This was God's reminder to me to look ahead. The power would be fixed; I would be able one day to stay in touch with the outside world. My life would be normal again in a little while. But mostly, it reminded me that His return is coming soon and I will be with him again. Then the fear and worry and hopelessness would never come back. I could look forward to that!

Lastly, God used a cloud to show me his power. I spent 5 minutes staring at the back of the clouds that took the tornadoes thru' our area and was awestruck with how big, grand and powerful they were. If he could keep those 3 tornadoes away from my home then He Who Rides the Clouds had everything in control and in his hand.

Lord, I still fear and am tense with everything. But you have seen us thru' these struggles. Help me to hope in you. Help me to trust you when more troubles come. I believe; help my unbelief. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Answered Prayer...

2010-06-01T11:08:00.000-05:00

God works in mysterious ways, does he not?

I was reminded this afternoon of a story a dear friend who was looking for some curtains for her home. She only had a certain amount of money to spend and desired a certain color for her home. So she prayed about it. Then a few days later she saw an add in the paper for curtains the exact color, size and price she needed. She was able to buy them and make her home beautiful, and she was encouraged to see that God cared how she decorated her home.

The reason her story came to mind, was that something similar happened to me this past week.

I was finding myself reassessing my living room furniture and praying about how to fix it for the summer. My 2 chairs we falling apart and the covers on everything needed repair. My sewing machine is broken and I was learning to be content with what God had given us while exercising creative juices for how to cover couches nicely and cheaply. :) But the need to do something was weighing heavy on my mind.

Then last week a dear friend in small group sent out an e-mail to tell everyone her sister was getting rid of 2 loveseats. I was interested, but had no idea how we would get somethings that big home or if they would fit in my tiny living room. Then I received another e-mail from a friend who heard about the couches. She offered her big van to be used to pick up the couches for me if I was interested in them. So on Sunday, our friend and my hubby were able to pick up both couches and deliver them.

I now have a full living room and 2 wonderfully comfortable loveseats that are such a blessing to me. They are a reminder of how good God was to answer a prayer in an unlikely way and of how kind and good my dear friends in small group are. We are truly blessed! {I don't have a picture to show you, as my camera has mysteriously dissappeared. I will add a pic when I can}

Lord, thank you for your goodness and kindness to me. Thank you for letting my friends be the means you used to bless my family this week. And thank you for caring about my desire to make my home reflect you more by letting it become more comfortable for my family and anyone who may visit us. In Jesus name, Amen.

Happy, happy, joy, joy...

2010-05-24T08:35:00.000-05:00

This is what my second son sounded like on Saturday.

It was Peter's 6th birthday and he found out he had 2 loose teeth, he had helped make a pyramid birthday cake (with chocolate rice crispies), he ate hamburgers and cheese jalapano cheetos. Then to top it all off, the mail came just before lunch and in it was a package from his aunt with a reptile sticker book and a t-shirt in it. Peter's body was just oozing excitement! (And Peter knows how to ooze...) He was going to top the whole day off with a campout in the living room with the family. I wish I had found my camera to show you what he looked like. {This picture is from a different day...}

Peter's happiness is so contagious; it may border on pure foolishness at times, but overall he is a ray of sunlight in our family. God has blessed him with the gift of making people happy. Our prayer for him this year is that he know the God who blessed him with joy in a personal and glorifying way. We want him to find his ultimate happiness in Christ.

Sweetness...

2010-05-17T07:13:00.000-05:00

Sweetness with the Lord is something I strive to find in my devotions. However, this morning I wasn't finding much. I am exhausted from a very crazy last week. So I was sitting up straight and tall, drinking black coffee and still fighting falling back asleep.

I am currently reading through Believing God by R.C. Sproul Jr. in the mornings and it wasn't sinking in. My short passage of Bible reading wasn't staying either - all I remember is words on the page mixed with my eyes opening and closing. :)

I am writing all of this to give you a context for what came next. I half-prayed, half-dreamed "Why can't I wake up and experience some sweetness?". Then the Spirit (who else could it be?) seemed to wake me with a beam of sunlight that shone on my face. And the thought "I am still here Gwyn. Even if you can't taste me." ran through my mind.

That's right, God was keeping his promise to never leave me or forsake me even when I had so little faith in him.

May you be reminded today that God is still with you and you don't have to do anything to keep him there.
Heavenly Father, thank you for this wonderful reminder. Help me not to forget it when the day and my kids coming rushing in. Thank you that you will still be there even if I do forget. Please draw me back to yourself and the knowledge that you are with me. In Jesus name, Amen.

A simple replacement...

2010-05-06T09:05:00.000-05:00

I started playing the piano when I was 7 years old. I took lessons all through my school years, did a Grade 8 Royal Conservatory exam (testing in Canada) and I even started a Piano Pedagogy degree in college. I used to play for church services at home, during college and for a couple years after I was married. I never thought I would be without a piano in my home or at least a piano to play on a regular basis.

However, that hasn't been God's plan for me. I have no piano in my home now and I haven't played one in months. But God in his graciousness hasn't left me with a vacuum in my heart. The desire to play the piano and use it to worship God will never leave me; but God has given me a new work to do with my hands that has filled the void that I had when my piano playing was taken away. He has given me a love and creativity for knitting and crocheting.

As I think about it, those hobbies seem simple in comparision to playing the piano, but God is using them to bring glory to himself through me.

I think the main reason for writing all of this is to remind myself that God is still working in me. He still is letting me be used for his glory. I wish I could sit down and play songs that feel and express the joy and worship in my heart for him - I miss that so much! But I realized that taking time to knit a beautiful scarf or fix a blanket for someone can do the same thing. I can practically help someone and give a mercy or love to them as a gift from God. And that is just a much worshipping him as a good hour of expression at the piano.

Heavenly Father, thank you for this sweet reminder. Please use my hands and my creativity for your glory. May I be a blessing to those around me and show your love to them. Help me not to use this gift as a means of self-promotion or pride; but as a joy-giver to you, to me and to those around me. In Jesus name, Amen.

The Choices I Make...

2010-04-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets last night and read 1 John 2 this morning and found an interesting and awakening connection. The connection was with a quote Professor Dumbledore used at the end to explain things to Harry. He said, "It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices."

I have been struggling this week with apathy towards anything that has caused me to feel overwhelmed (and that is basically everything this week). One of my biggest struggles is I run away from conflict in my mind. This is a sin and I know it is wrong. But it is my extreme response to things. I don't fight and I don't run away by doing things, I find I just ignore them.

But I couldn't get that quote out of my head last night. This morning it was still fresh in my mind - about the only thing in my mind. Then I picked up my Bible and starting reading in 1 John and it hit me. I was choosing to run away from this. This response might be an instinct, but I can choose to respond that way or not. The connector to that was the list of the things of this world: For all that is in the world - the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride in possessions - is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Doing the will of God is a choice I have to make. It was a choice bought for me by Christ on the cross. When I don't choose to seek God's help in those overwhelming situations I choose to follow my own desires for peace; and that is following the desires of the world. God gave me his power in the Spirit and I chose to use my own power. Therefore, the result was an uncaring, unkind wife and mother who didn't want to fight anymore.

God woke me up; he reminded me that my choices to do his will are what the 'fight of faith' is all about. Then he gave me a crazy day! So...

Lord, help me to remember this. Please help me to trust you and choose you today. I know my circumstances are busy and my kids are not listening, but you are here and want to help if I only just ask. Thank you for your power and love you have given me. Use it in me today and in the future as the stuggles come. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Bringer of Light, part 1...

2010-04-13T17:55:00.000-05:00

My husband had a wonderful idea and I am going to attempt to use it to remember what God has taught me through the various books and music I have listed on this blog. He suggested that I start with the most recent book and work my way back to the oldest.

So here I go...starting with A Sweet & Bitter Providence by John Piper.

The subject of providence is one that is near and dear to my heart. I know the belief of providence causes some (including my 7-year-old) much frustration and anger, but it is what brought me out of my deepest darkness. Let me start by explaining how this book was a wonderful reminder of that in my life.

First, Ruth's and Naomi's lives were ones that had great sorrow and suffering. I haven't had suffering and sorrow like they did, but I have tasted what it is like to not see God. To feel like Naomi did and call myself "Mara" which means bitterness.

Second, I have felt, like Ruth, the joy of finding a "wing to hide under". Boaz said to her that "God will bless you because you have taken refuge under his wings", and then he became the refuge for her when he married her. My comparision is that God used my husband to be a refuge for me to bring me out of my darkness so I could taste what it feels like to be under God's wing.

Now what do those things have to do with providence? Just like God used these troubles and sorrows to let Ruth even meet Naomi, and Ruth to meet Boaz, and let Ruth (a Moabite, a descendent of Lot and his daughter's child) be in the lineage of Christ, so God has used my trials and sorrows and darkness to take me places I would have never gone without them.

God has given a strength in my marriage that could have ended at one point. God has given me children that I love and want to take care of - happily - that I didn't even like at one point. God has shown me where sins of pride and laziness where hiding in my heart and has removed a lot of them. God has given family and friends that are very close only because He caused trials and hurts and offenses that made us trust Him for the answers. And those answers were what healed the relationships.

Finally, I think the main reason I found 'light' in this book, was that it reminded me of where God has taken me. It reminded me that the reason I am here - alive - is because of God and not me. It is a lesson in humility and that is bringing me peace and joy in Christ. I have no control over my path and I prefer it that way. I know that I would mess it all up if it were in my hands. I would always take the easy way out and avoid all the conflict.

Thank you Lord for these trials. Thank you for showing me that you are with me always, even when your back is turned. Thank you for the reminders you bring to show me how much you are doing. Thank you for having a place and plan for me in all the million things you are doing. May I see how blessed I am and all the mercy you have granted me and may I not neglect to be grateful for it. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Good Intentions...

2010-04-01T09:50:00.000-05:00

I have been contemplating on starting a bit of a 'series' again - mostly explaining why I have chosen the books and CD's listed on the left of my blog - but I am finding that rather hard. So I think I will let you know why and see what comes from this. I may end up doing it after all...

Here is the biggest hinderance to my starting this: I forget what made me pick them in the first place. :)

I know that sounds crazy, but let me explain. I am a person who does not grow in anything by leaps and bounds. My husband is that kind of person. He grows with lightening strikes and by diving in head first. I, on the other hand, grow slowly and steadily. I learn something and then my life is changed and I move on forever changed. That strength is now a weakness in that I forget where I came from. I have a tendency to not remember the steps God took to bring me some place. This is where a journal would have come in handy... I could look back and see where I came from. But alas, that is not a discipline I have.

Needless to say, I am asking you to pray with me as I fight through this to remember what God taught me and share it with you. I also am praying that God will help me to write down the thoughts and victories I find in the future, so I can share them while they are still fresh in my mind.

Just a reminder for me...

2010-03-26T08:07:00.000-05:00

Give me to have certainty concerning the things I have been taught; (Luke 1:4) and let my knowledge grow up to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ. (Colossians 2:2) Deal with your servant according to your steadfast love, and teach me your statutes. I am your servant; give me understanding, that I may know your testimonies! (Psalm 119:124-125) Let my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word, (Psalm 119:169) that good understanding which they have who do your commandments, whose praise endures forever! (Psalm 111:10)

From Matthew Henry's Method for Prayer Chapter 4, section 3 Pray for Grace to Instruct you in the Things of God.

Thinking of myself...

2010-03-22T08:54:00.000-05:00

It seems wrong to write something like that in my title doesn't it? It can sound selfish...but it is a good thing and the only thing I can remember from the sermon yesterday. :)

My dear Nate has a cold, so we were in the back to avoid sneezing on anyone. That meant, of course, that we were around restless kids and other sick people wandering around the lobby. So with all those cute little children around I was rather distracted from listening to Pastor John. However, I did hear enough to be exhorted about my home and how I interact with my kids.

The sermon was the last in a series on Spiritual Parenting. The text was from Micah 7 on a family that was is a terrible situation where everyone was against each other. I know that my home is nothing like the home described in Micah 7, but there are days when I feel like everyone is against everyone. Where we all are looking out for our own interests and seeing everyone else's faults as worse then our own. In fact, this morning started out that way...

But the hope in all this, the hope that I am praying I rest on today, is that like the father in Micah my hope is in God. That sounds all high and loftly, so here is how I practically break that down...

No matter the state of my home and children, my heart is to be right toward God. I must do what is required of me (and be broken and repent when I do wrong) and not expect my kids to change just because I teach or discipline them. I leave that up to God, because I can't change their hearts. So my desire and prayer is that I do my work and responsibilities and rest in God's sovereignty for my home today.

Heavenly Father, please help my desire to be for you today and not in my kid's obedience. Help me to do what is right, but be humble enough to admit my sins. Forgive me for my hopelessness this morning and help me to hope in you and your work in my home - even when I don't see it. In Jesus name, Amen.

Spring...

2010-03-15T09:47:00.000-05:00

"Spring is here, spring is here!" This is a chant from Bambi 2 that my kids were singing this morning. That is because they saw a robin - 2 robins & 1 blue jay to be exact - in our front yard. They had to call Daddy at work and share.

I love how excited they get when things, normal things, give them joy. It reminds me that I need to see joy in the normal things around me too. I find I get so focused on the mundane chores and duties that I miss the fact there's joy to be found in them. So that means that I lost sight of God.

Now I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. God is the one who brings fall, summer, winter and spring, sunshine and rain, springtime and harvest; and when they just pass me by I have forgotten that he is in control. I have forgotten that he is the one taking care of me. I have forgotten him. That is ungratefulness in my heart.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the springtime, thank you for the robins, thank you for my children who you used to bring me back to you this morning. Help me to trust your control today. Help me to be grateful for your hand in our world and my life today. May it cause me to be joyful in you and thankful for you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Simple Faith...

2010-03-05T07:55:00.000-06:00

Simply trusting every day, trusting thru' the stormy way; even when my faith is small, trusting Jesus - that is all. Trusting as the moments fly, trusting as the days go by; trusting him whate'er befall; trusting Jesus - that is all.

These words Edgar Page Stites wrote for the hymn Trusting Jesus have been going thru' my mind since last night.

I think that the busyness that life has right now is driving me to this (of course that is the Holy Spirit's doing, not mine) idea of simple faith. I am reading thru' a new book by John Piper on the life of Ruth and thinking about the movie Faith Like Potatoes that we watched the other night and God has used these to be a help and rest to my soul as I fly thru' my days. As I find the time, I will expound on this. Sorry that I need to cut this short. :)

So as I fly away to start this day...
Lord, please help me to have this simple faith in you today. No matter the ease or fight I face, whether I see your light or darkness, help me to trust you. For you are worthy of that and more. In Jesus name, Amen.

Somber thoughts...

2010-02-27T12:57:00.001-06:00

As I write this there are many things on my mind concerning our world...

A huge earthquake in Chili which has caused a tsunami and everyone on the Pacific coast is bracing for it. We have a dear friend whose father has had major rollercoaster battles with his health (one day doing very well, the next in the ER or ICU). War news and sorrows. Confusion and trouble friends are struggling and working through. The list could go on and on.

But God is giving my mind a wonderful peace right now. He has me thinking on Psalm 139, "You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you know my thoughts from afar. You are aquainted with all my ways. How precious are your thoughts toward me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!"

Lord, please care for the people near and far from me who are suffering and fearful. May they know your peace and that you are thinking on them too. Protect them and save them as your will is done. Help us to trust your plan in all things. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Something for your funny bone...

2010-02-16T06:54:00.000-06:00

Nate was talking with the kids after church on Sunday about what they learned in Sunday School. Nienna usually just says "I played with toys and sang songs." But this time Nate asked her some questions specifically. The first couple questions were answered with a hearty "God!", but when Nate asked her who was the greatest creator her answer was a hearty "The Man with the Yellow Hat".

I guess we need a few more Bible Stories around here... :)

Snow, Snow...

2010-02-08T08:34:00.001-06:00

I am looking out my window this morning and watching all the snow come down.

It seems that something profound should come after that statement, but I am drawing a blank. :) I just am thankful this morning.
Thankful for the snow - even though it is cold, it looks like a big blanket the ground is wrapping up in. Kind of like a security from God. I love seeing and feeling secure in Christ!
Thankful for my husband - he brings much joy to me and always tries to point me back to Christ. I need him in my life.
Thankful for my friends - we had a small gathering last night for the Super Bowl (though I personally didn't watch any of the game) and it was sweet fellowship. My kids had a wonderful time being with their friends (and their friend's toys) too.
Thankful for my children - because they bring familiarity to my life. I mean, what would my morning be like if Jared wasn't creating something with cardboard, Peter wasn't asking tons of questions and rhyming every other word that comes out of his mouth, and Nienna wasn't sitting quietly on my lap drinking her morning milk.

So, thank you Lord for giving me so much! May I see your hand more and more today and may it lead me to love you more. Amen.

A good reminder...

2010-02-04T08:30:00.000-06:00

A dear friend sent us this quote recently in response to something God was doing in his heart. It was so timely and good that I need to share it with you. It reminded me that Christ is all, knowing Christ is not.

Oswald Chambers: “There is a danger with the children of God of getting too familiar with sublime things. We talk so much about these wonderful realities, and forget that we have to exhibit them in our lives. It is perilously possible to mistake the exposition of the truth for the truth; to run away with the idea that because we are able to expound these things, we are living them too.”

How is Christ all?

2010-01-26T07:38:00.001-06:00

After a very hard day that was full of oppression and sin and despair, God was still there. Yesterday was monumentally hard. I woke up with internal jittering, fear, anger and a large feeling of being overwhelmed.

Sometime in the afternoon, God gave me a great mercy in letting my 3 children play together happily for almost 2 hours. This gave me the chance to pray and vent and hide in myself. Then with nothing that I did, God broke through. He gave me knowledge and trust that the thoughts that were overwhelming me were not something I needed to worry about. He had that taken care of and I didn't need to take it on myself. He took my anger and fear away. He gave me a peace. I still don't know what caused all of this, but whatever it was, it was God's plan.

This morning I read the following prayer based on part of the Lord's Prayer and it reminded me that the purpose for whatever happens to me isn't for me it is for HIM.

"Father in heaven, supply our wants, pardon our sins, and preserve us from evil, for yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, and you are Lord of all, who bestow your riches on all who call on you. Romans 10:12(ESV) None can forgive sins but you alone; Mark 2:7(ESV) let your power be great in pardoning our sins: Numbers 14:17(ESV) And since it is the glory of God to pardon sin, Proverbs 25:2(ESV) and to help the helpless, help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of your name; deliver us, and atone for our sins, for your name’s sake! Psalm 79:9(ESV)"

So Lord, may today be for the glory of your name's sake and not mine.

The Holy Spirit...

2010-01-18T09:22:00.000-06:00

Nate and I listened to a sermon by Joshua Harris last night.

It made me ask a question. How do I respond when life hits a wall? Do I sit down and wait for the wall to move? Or do I pound my head or anything I have into the wall until it moves or I give up in despair? Or do I respond another way?

This sermon was based on 2 Timothy 1:7, For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. This was something I needed to hear.

I tend to respond to walls that I hit with apathy (the first response). I just sit down and wait. But that isn't the kind of waiting that is being still and knowing God, or the waiting at his feet that Mary did. This is the hopeless, 'oh well', that just gives up and lets everything go. I wish I could say that I knew what the proper biblical response was on this, but I don't. However, I am seeking and praying that God in his sufficiency will show me this (no, I am not sitting down here, just knocking and waiting for the door to be opened). :) I need the power that is mine in Christ's death on the cross for me. But I also need to remember that it is God's power and not mine.

Lord, grant me your power in the Holy Spirit today to not be afraid or despair, but to love and be controlled in my spirit.

Reading a verse anew...

2010-01-15T09:41:00.000-06:00

Have you ever read a verse that you loved and then been enlightened when you read it again? I have Ps. 36:9 as the subtitle on my blog; "...in your light do I see light.". This morning I received the daily e-mail from Matthew Henry's Method for Prayer. This one was from chapter 2 that encouraged me to Thank God for Sweet Communion with Him in Holy Ordinances. The prayer he had from Psalm 36:8-9 was real encouragement to me this morning to look to God. This is what it said: "I have feasted on the abundance of your house, and you have given me drink from the water of your delights: for with you is the fountain of life; in your light do I see light."

It struck me that God has given me so much (abundance, and drinking his delights) and yet today I have grumbled and complained and gotten angry at my children. But how did this help without just giving me guilt?

The answer is the gospel. The light that he had given me is Christ. That is what matters. I have been bought by Christ's blood and I have already tasted his delights and drank from his fountain.

But, how does that help when I am sinning right now? I know that it doesn't mean I can keep sinning...but it does mean that if I repent, God has already washed my sins away and I can go back to his fountain and tastes those delight again (1 John 1:9). I can feast again in the abundance of his word and see light when my heart is toward him and he is my joy. So Jonathan Edwards and John Piper have it right: salvation is a daily fight for joy in Christ and not myself and my sins.

Lord, work in my heart and forgive my selfishness this morning. Help me to see your light and rejoice in you again today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Humble Leading...

2010-01-06T19:44:00.000-06:00

I read part of John 13 with my kids this morning and exhorted them to ask God for guidance today to serve each other as Jesus served his disciples. But then God turned it on its head and convicted my heart. I was prompted to ask him for strength to serve my family today with a happy heart.

Most of the day was just a desperate plea over and over to keep my heart calm. However, near the time my husband was to arrive home God started to answer my prayer from the morning. He gave me a strength and energy to work on my home and get supper together and happily serve my family. He enabled me to work with my husband and guide my kids to help clean up our home. We were even able to finish all the work from before the holidays that was pileing up. For this I am truly gratedful... God is so good to give grace and strength in time of need. He is also so good to know when that need truly is.

I pray that he will continue to teach me how to humbly lead my children, care for my home and carry out all my other duties and responsibilities. That is part of the answer to not being so overwhelmed.

I'm glad God is patient and loving...

Looking ahead, by looking back...

2009-12-29T16:05:00.000-06:00

This is what I saw when I read Spurgeon this morning...

Hitherto hath the Lord helped us. 1 Sam. 7:12 (KJV)

The word 'hitherto' seems like a hand pointing in the direction of the past. Twenty years or seventy, and yet, 'hitherto the Lord hath helped'! Through poverty, through wealth, through sickness, through health, at home, abroad, on the land, on the sea, in honour, in dishonour, in perplexity, in joy, in trial, in triumph, in prayer, in temptation, 'hitherto hath the Lord helped us'!

We delight to look down a long avenue of trees. It is delightful to gaze from end to end of the long vista, a sort of verdant temple, with its branching pillars and its arches of leaves; even so look down the long aisles of your years, at the green boughs of mercy overhead, and the strong pillars of lovingkindness and faithfulness which bear up your joys. Are there no birds in yonder branches singing? Surely there must be many, and they all sing of mercy received 'hitherto'.

And remember...

He who hath helped thee hitherto
Will help thee all thy journey through.

Have a blessed and grace-filled 2010!

Advent, week 4...

2009-12-20T09:14:00.001-06:00

Take some time this Christmas season to listen closely to the words of the carols we sing. Maybe reading it in poem form will help you see what Christ did in a new way. May it draw you to thankfulness for the Savior you have.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel
Latin hymn, trans. by John M. Neale
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times didst give the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save
And give them vict'ry o'er the grave.

O come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Our Spirits by Thine advent here;
O drive away the shades of night
And pierce the clouds and bring us light.

O come, Thou Key of David, come
And open wide our heav'nly home
Where all thy saints with Thee shall dwell--
O come, O come, Emmanuel!

Rejoice! rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Advent, week 3...

2009-12-13T14:41:00.000-06:00

This is a child's hymn from my very old Presbyterian Book of Praise. It is by Emily E.S. Elliott.

There came a little Child to earth

Long ago;

And the angels of God proclaimed His birth,--

High and low.

Out in the night, so calm and still,

Their song was heard;

For they knew that the Child on Bethlehem's hill

Was Christ the Lord.

Far away in a goodly land,

Fair and bright,

Children with crowns of glory stand,

Robed in white,--

In white more pure than the spotless snow;

And their tongues unite

In the psalm which the angels sang long ago

On that still night.

They sing how the Lord of that world so fair

A child was born;

And that they might His crown of glory share,

Wore a crown of thorn;

And in mortal weakness, in want and pain,

Came forth to die,

That the children of earth might in glory reign

With Him on high.

He has put on His kingly apparel now,

In that goodly land;

And He leads to where fountains of waters flow

That chosen band.

And for evermore, in their robes so fair

And undefiled,

Those ransomed children His praise declare,

Who was once a child.

Amen.

Open My Eyes, That I May See...

2009-12-09T08:56:00.000-06:00

Pastor John's sermon on Sunday was very good for my soul - it was also convicting.

The last part (the application) was so good to hear - that once God opens my eyes I will never be blind again! But my sin will cause me to cover my eyes or look away from God. This was a wonderfully painful reminder that when I don't see God (ie. his light) then it is most likely a sin that is causing that. The reason this was so convicting was that God used that sermon to show me an area of sin that I was blind to. That sin was causing me to not see him. But in his gracious mercy God opened my eyes again.

My prayer is that the 'eyes of my heart would be enlightened' often. So I may taste and see him more.

Advent, week 2...

2009-12-06T09:00:00.016-06:00

This is one of my favorite Christmas Carols.

Good Tidings of Great Joy to All People

Angels from the realms of glory,
Wing you flight o'er all the earth;
Ye who sang creation's story
Now proclaim Messiah's birth;
Come and worship,
Worship Christ, the new-born King.

Shepherds, in the fields abiding,
Watching o'er your flocks by night,
God with man is now residing,
Yonder shines the infant-light;
Come and worship;
Worship Christ, the new-born King.

Sages, leave your contemplations,
Brighter visions beam afar;
Seek the great Desire of Nations;
Ye have seen His natal-star;
Come and worship;
Worship Christ, the new-born King.

Saints, before the altar bending,
Watching long in hope and fear,
Suddenly, the Lord descending,
in His temple shall appear,
Come and worship;
Worship Christ, the new-born King.

Sinners, wrung with true repentence,
Doomed, for guilt, to endless pains,
Justice now revokes the sentence,
Mercy calls you--break your chains;
Come and worship;
Worship Christ, the new-born King.

A prayer...

2009-12-04T15:48:00.000-06:00

I am reading, slowly, through Matthew Henry's book, Method for Prayer. You can read it too, for free here. He takes you through how to pray, but unlike other books on prayer that I have read, he gives you various ways to pray each step with Scripture. I find it very helpful and comforting to know I am praying God's words. It frees me up to pray freely, because I am more likely to pray for God's will then my own.

The following prayer was on my heart yesterday. May it give you peace like I received...

Lord, all our longing is before you, and our sighing is not hidden from you, even the sighs and groanings that are too deep for words; for, he who searches the heart knows what is the mind of the Spirit.
(taken from Romans 8:26-27)

Advent, week 1...

2009-11-29T07:46:00.000-06:00

Royal Presents

by Nathaniel Wanley

The off'rings of the Eastern kings of old

Unto our lord were incense, myrrh and gold;

Incense because a God; gold as a king;

And myrrh as to a dying man they bring.

Instead of incense (Blessed Lord) if we

Can send a sigh or fervent prayer to thee,

Instead of myrrh if we can but provide

Tears that from penitential eyes do slide,

And though we have no gold; if for our part

We can present thee with a broken heart

Though wilt accept: and say those Eastern kings

Did not present thee with more precious things.

When there is no more strength...

2009-11-23T10:05:00.002-06:00

...what do you do?

What do you do when there is no strength left in you and you are needed to give more? What do you do when everyone else around you is weak and needs help and you feel ready to drop or hide in a corner and cry? The verse, "my strength is made perfect in weakness" comes to mind. :)

But just that isn't how you overcome. You need to trust that verse and the one who can sustain you: the one who is your strength. More than ever the thought that Jesus is the bread has been coming home to me. He is what I need.

My dearest Nate has shown me that many times and this past week I was given the grace to return the favor of serving him while being empty. God was good and sustaining.

You should test that some time. I recommend that you seek grace from your Father to serve someone in their time of need when you are empty. The experience is wonderful and will draw you toward humility and God's arms. I promise the strength will be there.

Just a reminder...

2009-11-16T18:41:00.001-06:00

This is to remind me and you that the sun still rises and the Son is still in control. Anticipate his return - it will be more beautiful than this sunrise.

A prayer for the morning...

2009-11-16T07:30:00.002-06:00

This is a prayer I found and desire to pray this morning, not only for me and my family, but for you as well.

It is a prayer by Matthew Henry's book A Method for Prayer. (It is taken from Ps. 121: 7-8, 91:11-12, Ezra 3:4.)

And now let the Lord preserve and keep us from all evil this day, yea, let the Lord preserve our souls. Lord, preserve our going out and coming in; give thine angels charge concerning us, to bear us up in their hands and keep us in all our ways. And give us grace to do the work of the day in its day, as the duty of the day requires.
In Jesus name, Amen.

Looking beyond the picture...

2009-11-04T07:01:00.004-06:00

I try to see the light of Christ in all around me; in my life and in what I post on here. But Pastor John's sermon on Sunday made me rethink that. I have been seeing Jesus as the source of light and the light. But here is where I went wrong: I was looking for light not for Jesus.

An example of that would be my praying and longing for a calm productive home where I could complete the homeschooling, finish my housework and not have my children fighting all day long. So what's wrong with wanting that?

I was longing for the peace of my home, not for the Prince of Peace! My home and my heart will not be peaceful without Christ as the head and highest treasure. If I don't seek for him, I won't have peace. On the other hand, if I seek for him and don't have peace, my heart can still be peaceful. That is because I have him!

This is still a work in progress, I will struggle with this until I die. Maybe that's why it's called a fight of faith. So there is where my prayer will be: that my heart would go beyond the picture of light to the source of light who is Light, constantly.

Chocolate...

2009-10-19T13:46:00.002-05:00

Yesterday ended on my favorite note - bittersweet chocolate. However, no chocolate was involved.

God allowed something to happen that tried my faith and strength. It really hurt, emotionally! But he was there through it all - as was Nate - and the fight was so hard. Then once victory came all I could do was cry. But I wasn't sad...

I think it is like that for a soldier who fights a battle with all his strength; many times not knowing if he is winning or losing. He just keeps swinging his sword. Then out of the blue he hears the horn that sounds his side's victory call. He wants to just collapse and weep out of exhaustion. His battle was bittersweet.

I know that is what I tasted. That is why bittersweet chocolate is so good - it takes bitterness to make the cocoa and sugar taste that much sweeter. That is the kind of victory God gave me.

Hope???

2009-10-02T12:24:00.002-05:00

I hear the phrase "Hope in God" a lot. It is almost a mantra at Bethlehem. :) But I needed to define that hope this morning.

I have been fighting through what kind of schedule I need for homeschooling my kids. I haven't been able to include Nienna in that routine yet, and that has caused havoc (to put it mildly) on our home. I have also been overwhelmed with much more things. So the natural outcome was despair for me. I completely 'checked out' last night. I just sat in a chair knitting when Nate came home - almost in a fog. (I don't EVER recommend this as a way to cope with your struggles!) This morning I was sitting on the couch trying to have some devotions and I was still in the pit of despair.

Nate tried to comfort and encourage me in the Lord, but I wasn't listening. My despair was even to the point of fearing death and dreading heaven. Now I've been there before and it isn't good or right. But I couldn't break free.

Then I opened my Morning and Evening just to go through the motions and this is what I read, "The hope which is laid up for you in heaven" and "Through the Spirit of God the hope of heaven is the most potent force for the product of virtue; it is a fountain of joyous effort, it is the cornerstone of cheerful holiness. The man who has this hope in him goes about his work with vigor, for the joy of the Lord is his strength.".

It hit me like a ton of bricks! My hope was not in this world. I was trying to find my hope in the circumstances around me. I was expecting God to bring my hope out of the ciaos that surrounded me. Find joy in the midst of my sin. Even find happiness in the ability to clean my house.

I saw the light that was truth. My only hope is in the future God has for me. Finding a change in my current circumstances was not the answer. My hope is in the LORD, who gave himself for me, and paid the price of all my sin at Calvary...and everlasting light and life he freely gives. This life is in heaven where we will enjoy the final victory.

So the next time I feel molested by foes within and without I need to remember my hope comes from outside this person and world. It comes from the hope in something better than this world - Christ! I pray I can respond rightly next time...

For meditation today...

2009-09-28T07:48:00.002-05:00

Consider this verse ~

For the eyes of the LORD run to an fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him. 2 Chronicles 16:9 (ESV)

or For the eyes of the LORD run to a fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. 2 Chronicles 16:9 (NKJV)

or For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong on behalf of them whose heart is perfect towards Him. 2 Chronicles 16:9 (KJV)

God is looking for ways to show you and me His mercy today. Are we trusting Him?

Seeing light thru' tears...

2009-09-22T14:56:00.003-05:00

I realize I have been posting a lot about what God is teaching me, and grand thoughts and meditations. But my life is mostly consumed with lesser thoughts and teaching kids and making meals and cleaning messes. So in the midst of that how do these grand thoughts help me? Do I really let God use them in day-to-day life?

God answered those questions yesterday. We had taken a break from school to take a walk and clear our heads (well, maybe it was more for me than the kids). But the whole 5 blocks we walked were filled with fighting and disobedience and frustration. When we came home I had to send the boys up to their rooms for punishment. I went up to talk to them about their behavior; 10 minutes later Nienna showed up in their room with just a pair of pants on and asking for my help with something downstairs. I finished quickly with the boys and followed Nienna down to help her. To my surprise I found a cup tipped over and half of the kitchen floor covered with milk. It seems she tried to fill a cup with a full gallon of milk. It hadn't worked very well!

In that moment I just wanted to scream... but all that came out was a quiet, "Nienna, go upstairs and change, please." I grab the few towels she had gotten out to clean her mess up with and started to wipe the floor. But I didn't get very far and I just started to cry and pray, "I can't do this God. I can't do this.".

Then God brought to mind what he has been teaching me through the biographies and the recent Spurgeon Morning and Evenings I had read and I remembered that God was still with me. He showed me where his light was still shining, even thru' the tears that were still on my face.

He had given me a wonderful opportunity to share the gospel with my boys concerning the sin they had shown on our walk. He showed me how strong he was when he helped me not be angry towards my children in that ciaos. He reminded me that the suffering I was experiencing was a result of the path he had me on. It was for my good and wasn't as bad as other things I had gone through as a mom. He had sustained me in the past and he would sustain me now!

That is when the tears stopped and the peace came. So now I was able to clean up my kitchen and get back to school and life for the rest of the day.

I am so glad I have God as my friend. I don't know how other moms can get through a day without him. I know I can't!!

A good book...

2009-09-16T09:47:00.002-05:00

I know it's been 8 days since I have posted, but I finally have a moment to write something out that has been rolling around in my mind. I have started school with my 2 boys and that takes up a significant amount of my day and thoughts. :)

A few weeks ago I started reading John Piper's latest book in The Swans are not Silent series. It is entitled Filling Up the Afflictions of Christ: The Cost of Bringing the Gospel to the Nations in the Lives of William Tyndale, Adoniram Judson, and John Paton.

Though I enjoyed Tyndale and Judson's stories, the story of Paton affected me the most. The reason was how his life contained similarities with mine.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to a remote island to be chased by cannibals. But our family has gone through very hard times that sometimes didn't make sense, but in the end were the reason we could follow Christ in a certain direction. Without those trials we would not be where God has us now. Just like John Paton needed 4 years of hard labor without fruit on Tanna with loosing his wife and child and daily facing the thought of loosing his life in order to come off and go to Aniwa and see the whole island come to Christ.

This hard time also drew Paton nearer to Christ as his only friend in those dark days. I have my husband and kids and family and in-laws to be there and turn to in trials, but my trials have also helped draw me closer to Christ. Like Spurgeon says, "Faith triumphs in trial." and "Faith pulls the black mask from the face of trouble, and discovers the angel beneath."

Faith is what kept John Paton trusting God. In addition, his belief that God was sovereign in everything that happened helped make his faith stronger. This is a key point in my own life - is God really sovereign in my life? Does he really control the outcome of everything I do?

Consider these things about your own life, and if you can try and read this new book. It will help you understand why God's sovereignty is key in growing your faith and trust in Christ. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions. I won't have all the answers, but I would love to share what God is teaching me.

Just a snapshot...

2009-09-08T06:58:00.002-05:00

That is all I have time for this morning.

We are starting school today and there are many things on my mind that I desire to share with you in the next few days and weeks.

The idea of bearing fruit in and from Christ.
John Piper's new book Filling Up the Afflictions of Christ and its effect on me.
Good talks with my mom on what God is doing in her heart and life.
The unity and passion God is continuing to grow in Nate and me.

When life gets ahead of you...

2009-09-03T08:57:00.003-05:00

...you are still able to see God's light.

This is what I have been telling myself this morning. :) We have had wonderful, late-night visits with family, times scurrying around trying to get school stuff together before the 8th, minutes talking with neighbors about our kids fighting and being bullied, and even babysitters to watch kids so I could finish a laptop cover for my little sister in 2 days. This busyness can cause me to go into focused mode. Sometimes that means I put blinders on and just get life done. I usually remember to take time for enjoyment with family (a trait I am glad my parents taught me), but I don't always remember to take time to see God.

Here is where God is so good to me! He has made sure these last few weeks to remind me that he is still here with me, working his will in me and my life. To top it off, it has all been out of my control. That is what makes him so good.

He has given books, encouraging words, verses and even my kids misbehaving to remind me that he hasn't forsaken me. The verses that are on my mind this morning are Psalm 119:41-42: "Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise; then shall I have an answer for him who taunts me, for I trust in your word."

This brings me hope today for my kids (with their friends fighting) and mostly for me. Because if I have God's love and salvation there is no reason to fear anything - even sin! I can trust in his word and be able to answer any foe that is against me. That is the key: I can't take the 'taunting' away, but I can respond rightly because God loves me and is on my side.

May that comfort you today too...

God's glory, where is it?

2009-08-22T11:58:00.002-05:00

Psalm 108:5-6 says, 'Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth! That your beloved ones may be delivered, give salvation by your right hand and answer me!'

If you are looking at the sky, or the looming clouds; or you are feeling the warm breeze on your face, or hiding in your basement from a tornado you have a chance to see God. Nate and I always find ourselves looking at the sky and observing the clouds (I am sure our neighbors think we are nuts). But these verses reminded us that God and his glory are above those clouds - even greater than those clouds! And he promises that by his power he will save and deliver us.

Think on the fact today that God is exalted above the heavens and will give you salvation and deliverance because you are his beloved one....

Mercy, think about it...

2009-08-17T12:51:00.003-05:00

After reading Spurgeon this morning the thought of mercy is on my mind. There are two things about mercy that I desire to remember and meditate on today and I thought I would share them with you.

1) A quote from John Bunyan concerning God's mercy: "All the flowers in God's garden are double".
Never does God send one mercy, he always sends more than one. (Look back at your life, or even yesterday, and try and prove me wrong - it won't happen because God is too good to us!)

2) The hymn The Mercies of God by Thomas O. Chisholm.

The mercies of God! What a theme for my song,
O! I never could number them o'er;
They're more then the stars in the heavenly dome,
Or the sands of the wave-beaten shore.

For mercies so great, what return can I make?
For mercies so constant and sure?
I'll love Him, I'll serve Him with all that I have
As long as my life shall endure.

They greet me at morn when I waken from sleep,
And they gladden my heart at the noon;
They follow me on into shades of the night,
When the day with its labor is done.

His goodness and mercy will follow me still,
Even on to the end of the way;
I have His sure promise and that cannot fail,
That His mercy is mine ev'ry day.

Knitting...

2009-08-11T07:34:00.006-05:00

Knitting is my form of creativity these days. I used to play the piano, cross-stitch, make my own cards; but knitting has taken over these for now. This is because of the time needed to pursue those other crafts is time I don't have. But that is just my season of life...

I have been rereading Edith Schaeffer's book The Hidden Art of Homemaking. I was struck with the connection she always makes with Christ and art. It is like reading something by Spurgeon or C. J. Mahaney. They always find a way to bring it back to Christ.

So, I thought, does my knitting take me back to Christ and the gospel? Do I view this 'art form' as Christ would have me view it?

I know that can sound like I am over-spiritualizing knitting, but don't worry that's not where I am going. Many times I find myself overwhelmed and frustrated that I can't find a certain pattern, or make a knitted item do what I think it should, or figure out a new stitch. This can often lead to anger or apathy which spills over into my daily life.

I am still working through this thought, but where my knitting connects me with the cross is where is doesn't cause me to sin and where it blesses either me or others or both of us. It is like the manna God gave the Israelites. The same food over and over. I can knit and knit and make dozens of things, but they will stay the same and cause me to long for something more intricate or better yarn. I need to take what yarn, needles and skills God has given me so far and use the creativity he placed in me to make what is needed now. Just like the Israelites could have used their creativity in cooking to make the manna taste and look different every time. This takes discipline, wisdom and patience - three things I need more of in all areas of my life.

So my prayer is that I will not long for linen and silk and more intricate cables and stitches and impressing people with my skills. But that I will enjoy the simple patterns and strive for growth in learning new things without it causing covetousness or pride. Only Christ can save me from those sins...

Romans 8:28...

2009-08-05T07:19:00.002-05:00

"We know that all things work together for good to them that love God..."

This is what ended the day yesterday. Every plan got changed, every job was hindered, everything we tried failed. And as we started to get the kids ready for bed my oldest angrily asked, "Whose fault is this?"

By God's great grace I was able to answer, "No one's. This is part of God's plan for us. We need to be content and trust that this is good." That was able to be said with a peace-filled heart.

I woke up this morning still feeling the weights from yesterday. Then God reminded me - through Spurgeon - that this was for our good. I think the poem at the end of the morning devotion sums it up:

Say not to my soul, ' From whence can God relieve my care?'
Remember that Omnipotence has servants everywhere.
His method is divine, His heart profoundly kind,
God never is before His time, and never is behind.

So whatever today may hold I know God is steering my boat and it will be what's best. May you sense and know that too!

Bear with me...

2009-07-28T08:43:00.004-05:00

...and pray for me too. :)

Sorry for the silence on my part. Lots going on and my mind is so full I can't seem to put something together that makes sense - even to me. I will be posting again soon as life starts to get back to normal. I will try and work through some of the things that have been filling my life and mind of late so you can share them with me.

Just a small note: Nienna found a pair of scissors yesterday and tried to give herself a haircut. This can be seeing God's light in the fact that nothing went as it should of yesterday and this was God's way of reminding me he is still in control.

This is before...

These 2 are after...

Patience...

2009-07-14T08:33:00.002-05:00

Patience is something I need more of.

After reading Romans 5:3-5 (we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.) The word endurance is a synonym of patience.

I have always known this verse and the process it takes, but it hit home this morning when I read it in conjunction with a quote by Edith Schaeffer; "Patience cannot be shown unless there is a circumstance which would make us impatient.".

As a mom, (and according to this verse) I can't know patience until I have experienced suffering. So the day-to-day struggle of being a mom, a wife and God's child will work that patience in me. These roles are ample ground to learn patience on. I am full of sin and will meet with many, many instances of impatience. I pray that God's Spirit will bring out the joy that this process promises.

Something for meditation...

2009-07-11T10:06:00.003-05:00

This is an invitation to share in a passage I am meditating on today. It is 1 Peter 5:6-11. I have put the phrases that struck my heart and soul in bold. If we have a chance to talk soon, feel free to ask me about this...

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Second-hand...

2009-07-08T08:24:00.002-05:00

God has been working in me on this idea of second-hand joy. I know it sounds rather mundane, but it is an aspect that is enhancing my view and understanding of God. It is also drawing me closer to God.

Have you ever enjoyed someone else's joy as if it were your own? This is what I would call second-hand joy. In Heaven: A World of Love by Jonathan Edwards he talks about the pure joy of saints in heaven toward each other. This second-hand love is one of the aspects we will experience in heaven.

It looks like this: your friend receives a blessing from or has a closer relationship with God and you see their joy in God. But you are not just joyful for their blessing, you experience joy on the same level as them. It is God blessing you through blessing them.

This may seem like a simple or ordinary thing for you, but it is profound for me. I am one who can do things for myself. I use my talents and abilities to accomplish what I want or get what I want or need. Most often I succeed. However, this is my great "respectable" sin.

This leads me to dependence on myself, not on God. This usually stems from pride and selfishness. But second-hand joy is God's way of showing me that joy comes from Him. True joy can not be made or worked up.

Enjoying God with someone else vicariously is a way for God to show me I don't need to make sure my joy is completed. It puts the ownership of joy in His hands. That is where I find all I need.

My Husband...

2009-06-30T07:11:00.003-05:00

There are 2 pictures of God that Nate always goes back to when life seems to be racing out of control and he feels overwhelmed. He reminded me of them last night and I want to share them with you.

1. God rides the clouds as a chariot. (there are countless places in Scripture that tell of God or Christ coming in a cloud.)

Have you looked at the clouds lately? The ones over the Twin Cities have been amazing these last few days. Those clouds are a picture of how strong God's power is. He can control and even ride them. Take comfort in a God like that!

2. God's army in the wind on the trees. (This is taken from 2 Chronicles 14:14-15:
Therefore David inquired again of God, and God said to him, "You shall not go up after them; circle around them, and come upon them in front of the mulberry trees. And it shall be, when you hear a sound of marching in the tops of the mulberry trees, then you shall go out to battle, for God has gone out before you to strike the camp of the Philistines.")

God's army went before Israel, riding the wind in the tree tops. Next time you see and hear the wind in the trees, be reminded that God's army moves like that. Also, remember, that army fights for you!

Jonah, part 3...

2009-06-24T07:57:00.003-05:00

I am always amazed at how God works - completely unexpected in so many ways and places.

I had thought my meditation on Jonah was at an end and it was time to move elsewhere. But small circumstances (or should I say providence) have returned my mind to Jonah.

Have you ever considered how your expectations can quench the Spirit's work? I believe that is what Jonah experienced. He expected God to do something with Nineveh and it happened. Then he didn't expect God to kill the plant, but God did. That caused frustration and anger in Jonah toward God.

A dear friend reminded me of this last night. She said that it is sometimes hard to expect or anticipate the Spirit working and see it when it didn't go the way she envisioned it in her mind.

I have done that over the last couple of days with small things. But my expectations hindered the joy I could have experienced if I only had seen the other areas God was working in. Or if I had been willing to see the grace all around me.

I was convicted and encouraged this morning as I looked back on those circumstances God put me in and actually saw areas that the Spirit was working. But I had missed them earlier, because of a narrow view of how God could work. That would be another Jonah moment.

However, God is infinitely good... He allowed me the chance to find and relish the missed joy second-hand. For that, I am extremely thankful!

Jonah, part 2...

2009-06-18T20:15:00.002-05:00

I have been feeling like a teacher - you never can really share something until you have learned it fully. God has used these last 2 days to make sure I know what I am talking about. :o)

As I read through Jonah's story now I see what God was trying to teach Jonah all along. And why the book ends with God saying, "You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?", and why nothing else needs to be said.

My entry in my bible next to this verse sums it up well: This is about God's mercy. If Jonah had the love and mercy of God in his heart for Nineveh he wouldn't have been angry at God for sparing them. He could have shared in God's joy of showing mercy.

This is where I fall short many times. My heart desires something, but it isn't what God desires. When my heart is full of pride and anger I can't see as God sees. I need forgiveness and my heart changed. Then the Spirit is free to work and show me what God sees. Then I can be thankful, and merciful, and loving, and joyful, and right.

This is what Jonah missed. He was looking at himself...

Jonah...

2009-06-16T08:15:00.002-05:00

I was lead to read through Jonah this morning and was reminded of the last time I read that book. It was 2 years ago and during my darkest days of depression.

(I am going to tell you about my response back then and tomorrow I will tell you about my response now. Just to give you some anticipation...)

When I read through Jonah 2 years ago I was looking for an answer from God as to why he seemed to have abandoned me. I was wondering why nothing worked out right, why there was no good anywhere in my heart and life.

I felt all the anger Jonah had with God for 'relenting' and saving Nineveh. I understood why Jonah was angry at the plant dying. I felt like God had asked me to do somethings and then changed his mind (just like I knew he would) and like he gave me a blessing only to snatch it away the next day. But I didn't understand why the book ended with God saying, "And should I not pity Nineveh?" I didn't understand why he put Jonah through all that, why Jonah got nothing out of the deal except anger and bitterness. I didn't understand why God got the last word and it wasn't good toward Jonah.

I went away from reading this book with a lot of anger towards God and my situation. I was sad and angry and proud and selfish. I had missed the whole point of Jonah's story and wasn't going back to that book again. Maybe not even God...

This morning I think very differently. I was given understanding and insight. Moreover, I don't hate this book (or God) anymore.

Fellowship...

2009-06-10T08:48:00.003-05:00

We strove to define this topic at small group last night. It was amazing how the spirit works in the hearts of those who seek the Lord. It is also amazing how 7 women can be weeping with sorrow one moment and then weeping with joy the next because of some aspect of God that he revealed to them.

That is what I experienced last night. There was a moment when the hand of God was so evident on a situation we were talking through that the hair on your arms and neck were standing up and tears of relief and joy just poured out.

It gave me hope to see that even in the hardest, seemingly hopeless situations God has been there and guiding through it all. He leaves his fingerprint on everything!!

A project for you...

2009-06-03T08:56:00.002-05:00

Try today to see images of God and make a list. You may be surprised at how many you find and the places you find them.

For instance, I see an image of God in my husband when he gives me a hug. There is strength and safety there - that is a picture of what God is to me. I also see an image of God in a tree blowing in the wind - it is peaceful. That is a picture of what the peace of God feels like.

If you have time, please share some of those pictures with me. I would love to see God thru' your eyes too!

What am I reading now?

2009-05-30T09:56:00.002-05:00

My dear husband knows me very well. He picked me up a new book on Sunday and I haven't been able to put it down. The Affections of the Heart in Art: A wrestling for the full pleasures in art by Jason Harms.

I am reading each chapter slowly. I want to understand this and see how to apply these principles in all areas of my life - since I love turning everything I touch into a creative outlet.

Here is a quote from the inside cover:

"Are our pleasures in art out pleasure in God?

Where they are not, I believe we forfeit the full pleasures

that God ordains for out enjoyment in art,

namely, our enjoyment of God himself.

This is a wrestling to pursue and enjoy

the fullest pleasures in artistic expression."

Here is a link for more on this wrestling.

What is best for me?

2009-05-25T07:45:00.002-05:00

According to Solomon (Ecc. 2:24-25) it is better for me to eat and drink and tell myself my labor is good. And why is that? Because it is from the hand of God.

Then I finish the verse and am encouraged... "for who can eat, and who can find enjoyment without Him?".

God had made life so simple - eat, drink, serve, live - and it is all enjoyable because it comes from him. Yet I seem to try and do more, be more holy-looking, aim for 'grander things', when God only wants me to live my life knowing he has given it to me. That is where the pleasure and enjoyment lies.

He led them forth by the right way...

2009-05-22T08:41:00.002-05:00

This morning's Spurgeon sounded like my week. I prayed for that light. I wept in anguish at the dark clouds in my heart. I cried out, "What's going on? Why is this happening?"

Then God in his plan and mercy shone that light into my soul and revealed a wicked idolatry I was embracing. I saw the thing that I was running to for refuge and understood why it wasn't working.

I remembered this past year's study on providence and how God has a plan and path for me. How that path will include trials. Then I saw more clearly his hand on me, leading me out of that darkness and evil I was clinging to.

Thank you God for trials and darkness. They make the reunion and light so much sweeter. And they make your love for me seem so much greater. Thank you for forgiving me again!

Isn't the gospel wonderful?

Forgiveness...

2009-05-12T08:55:00.002-05:00

I am reading through This Great Salvation by C.J. Mahaney and Robin Boisvert. The chapter this morning was on the fruits of justification. I was profoundly moved by the story of a lady's breakthrough regarding guilt over an abortion.

The point wasn't whether or not to have an abortion, but it was the realization that she was forgiven - completely - from all her sin. There was nothing that she could do that God wouldn't forgive. That was possible because he forgave her nailing Christ to the cross.

It was so liberating (again) to be reminded that God's forgiveness of my sin is complete and whole. Nothing can make him not forgive my sins. I can't commit "the unpardonable sin", because Christ is in me. I am free to experience his grace and continue to grow in that grace and knowledge of Christ. I truly look forward to seeing what I will look like when God has completed his work that he started in me. I also look forward to the journey to that end - there is realness and joy and peace there! Why is that? Christ is there...

A Child's Perspective...

2009-05-04T15:38:00.002-05:00

Sunday we were, as usual, having lunch in the car on the way home from church. It was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with crackers on the side. We asked our 3 kids which one wanted to pray for the food. All three yelled, "me!". Before Nate or I could choose, Peter and Nienna started to pray. Both were thanking God for the food at the same time. Nienna was becoming irritated with Peter, but stubbornly kept praying. However, Peter paused and said, "Ah, God. Excuse me, God..."

He was trying to tell God that he needed to interrupt his sister's prayer. He wanted God to listen to him. Nate and I were trying so hard not to laugh. There was much joy in his desire to talk with God, the adorable way he spoke and the fact that our teaching on how to interrupt a conversation was remembered.

Spurgeon this Morning...

2009-04-28T08:23:00.002-05:00

I was rather mundane in my thoughts this morning. I couldn't seem to "connect" in my quiet time. Then I read the morning reading from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening for April 28th and I was rebuked and reminded of what I needed to do.
Here is the selection for you to read:
WHATEVER your especial need may be, you may readily find some promise in the Bible suited to it. Are you faint and feeble because your way is rough and you are weary? Here is the promise—"He giveth power to the faint." When you read such a promise, take it back to the great Promiser, and ask Him to fulfil His own word. Are you seeking after Christ, and thirsting for closer communion with Him? This promise shines like a star upon you—"Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled." Take that promise to the throne continually; do not plead anything else, but go to God over and over again with this—"Lord, Thou hast said it, do as Thou hast said." Are you distressed because of sin, and burdened with the heavy load of your iniquities? Listen to these words—"I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions, and will no more remember thy sins." You have no merit of your own to plead why He should pardon you, but plead His written engagements and He will perform them. Are you afraid lest you should not be able to hold on to the end, lest, after having thought yourself a child of God, you should prove a castaway? If that is your state, take this word of grace to the throne and plead it: "The mountains may depart, and the hills may be removed, but the covenant of My love shall not depart from thee." If you have lost the sweet sense of the Saviour's presence, and are seeking Him with a sorrowful heart, remember the promises: "Return unto Me, and I will return unto you;" "For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee." Banquet your faith upon God's own word, and whatever your fears or wants, repair to the Bank of Faith with your Father's note of hand, saying, "Remember the word unto Thy servant, upon which Thou hast caused me to hope."

God is good...

2009-04-23T08:43:00.003-05:00

There is a plethora of grace-filled things in my life. It would take up too much space if I detailed them all, so here is a quick bullet point list of the primary things God has given me these last few days to remind me he loves me.

Wonderful talk times with my hubby.
Hugs, hugs and a few kisses from my kids.
2-hour conversation on the phone with my sister.
Spring bulbs starting to bloom in my garden.
Gorgeous sunrises to share with Nate in the morning.
Children yelling phrases of "He's beyond awesome, he's b-awesome!" into our heat registers.
Nienna responding to discipline, "Daddy, I want to talk. I don't want to cry."
Creative juices flying inside my brain and being able to flesh some of them out.
Time to spend with my kids.

Take a moment in your day and write down some of the good things. Then thank God, because he gave you those things. Isn't he good?

The Mercies of Providence...

2009-04-14T08:26:00.004-05:00

Think through this:
"Spiritual mercies are of two sorts: such as belong to the essence, the very being of the new creature, without which it must fail, or to its well-being and the comfort of the inner man, without which you cannot live so cheerfully as you would. The mercies of the former kind are absolutely necessary, and therefore put into absolute promises, as you see, 'And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from them to do them good; but I will put my fear in their hears, that they shall not depart from me' (Jer. 32.40). But for the rest they are dispensed to us in such measures and at such seasons as the Lord sees fit, and many of His own people live for a long time without them. The donation and continuation of the Spirit, to quicken, sanctify, and unite us with Christ, is necessary, but His joys and comforts are not so. " (From The Mystery of Providence by John Flavel, pg. 195)

I am praying and thinking through this today. It has encouraged me already with the knowledge that I have God and his grace and that is all I need. If God grants more I know it will truly be a mercy I don't deserve.

A Hymn...

2009-04-10T07:36:00.002-05:00

As you think on Christ's death today, take some time to consider these words. This hymn is be T. B. Pollock and is written to complement the seven sayings of Christ while he was on the cross. It is 21 stanzas long, but well worth the time to read through it. Have a blessed, Christ-centered Good Friday.

Father, forgive them...
JESUS, in Thy dying woes,
Even while Thy life-blood flows,
Craving pardon for Thy foes!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
2. Saviour, for our pardon sue,
When our sins Thy pangs renew,
For we know not what we do.
Hear us Holy Jesus.
3. Oh, may we, who mercy need,
Be like Thee in heart and deed,
When with wrong our spirits bleed!
Hear us Holy Jesus.
Today in Paradise...
4. Jesus, pitying the sighs
Of the thief who near Thee dies,
Promising him Paradise:
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
5. May we in our guilt and shame,
Still Thy love and mercy claim,
Calling humbly on Thy name!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
6. Oh, remember us who pine,
Looking from our cross to Thine,
Cheer our souls with hope divine!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
Woman, behold thy son...
7. Jesus, loving to the end
Her whose heart Thy sorrows rend,
And Thy dearest human friend,
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
8. May we in Thy sorrow share,
And for Thee all peril dare,
And enjoy Thy tender care!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
9. May we all Thy loved ones be,
All one in holy family,
Loving for the love of Thine!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
Why hast Thou forsaken me...
10. Jesus, whelmed in fears unknown,
With our evil left alone,
While no light from heaven is shown: --
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
11. When we vainly seek to pray,
And our hope seems far away,
In the darkness be our stay!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
12. Though no Father seem to hear,
Though no light our spirits cheer,
Tell our faith that God is near.
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
I thirst...
13. Jesus, in Thy thirst and pain,
While Thy wounds Thy life-blood drain,
Thirsting more our love to
gain: --
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
14. Thirst for us in mercy still,
All Thy holy work fulfill—
Satisfy Thy loving will!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
15. May we thirst Thy love to know;
Lead us in our sin and woe
Where the healing waters flow!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
It is finished...
16. Jesus, all our ransom paid,
All Thy Father’s will obeyed,
By Thy sufferings perfect made: --
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
17. Save us in our soul’s distress,
Be our help to cheer and bless,
While we grow in holiness!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
18. Brighten all our heavenward way,
With an ever holier ray,
Till we pass to perfect day!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
Father, into Thy hands...
19. Jesus, all Thy labor vast,
All Thy woe and conflict past,—
Yielding up Thy soul at last: --
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
20. When the death shade round us lower,
Guard us from the tempter’s power,
Keep us in the trial hour!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
21. May Thy life and death supply
Grace to live and grace to die,
Grace to reach the home on high!
Hear us, Holy Jesus.
Amen.

Mommy Theology...

2009-04-09T08:25:00.002-05:00

Yet another instance where God speaks through me to my kids - and I am not the author of it.

As my children were watching the Disney movie Bolt, Peter asked what made Bolt so brave {in one scene, Bolt runs into a burning building to save his person, Penny}. I responded with, "because he loved her that much. Kinda like Jesus when he died on the cross. He asked for the cup to be removed, but because he loved his daddy and us so much he was able to be brave and died on the cross for our sins."

Peter's response was, "Oh, okay." And he kept watching the movie.

Lord, may those little seeds stick in my children's minds. May they find good soil and grow to produce 5, 10 or 100-fold fruit. Amen.

What to do...

2009-04-06T14:51:00.003-05:00

This question has been on my mind for a few weeks. God very quietly and graciously helped answer this question.

I had a knitting newsletter in my e-mail from a magazine I don't even subscribe to. But as I read through it, one of the reader's comments at the bottom struck me. She said that she knits whatever projects come to her mind and compiles them at the end of each year. She never has a person or need in mind when she knits. Then she takes her stash of items to the Christmas gathering and lets her kids and grand kids pick what they want. They all go nuts over the items and love everything they find. That is how she gives to her family.

This is how I usually do life, not just my knitting. I am spontaneous, not a big planner, and let the circumstances guide my decisions. {Of course, there are doctrines and principles from the Word that direct my moral compass.}

This small comment {and an interview CJ Mahaney had with David Powlison} has helped me see how I work with life. I understand this way of thinking and working. Though I am still not fully convinced as to what this will look like, I now have a direction to steer with my home, family, ministry desires and creative outlets.

For New Moms...

2009-03-30T14:07:00.002-05:00

...and experienced ones too! :o)

I read this in A Mom After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George this weekend. She was talking of the importance of getting Scripture into your children's hearts and minds.

One example was a Jewish tradition that encouraged me to follow suit. "The life of a Jew is religious from the cradle to the grave. In the room occupied by the mother and her newborn infant the rabbi puts a paper containing Psalm 121 in Hebrew." Elizabeth George says, "Imagine the heart, faith, and emotion of the mom who holds her baby and prays Psalm 121 over her newborn."

Here is Psalm 121 for you to read in its entirety:

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let you foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

I want to not only pray this for and read this to my children, but I also need it for my soul. When those days get hard and busy, when my emotions or fatigue takes over I need to be reminded that "My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth" and "The LORD will keep your life".

Providence, again and again...

2009-03-23T19:55:00.001-05:00

Just like I heard on Sunday, "the light is already shining" I saw God tonight.

Today was one of those horrible days as a mom. I felt grumpy and didn't want to be around anyone, my kids either fought or got into everything or disobeyed, and the house looked like a tornado went through it. All I wanted to do when Nate got home was to sit on the couch and have a pity-party with my apathy.

Then, as Nate and I finished eating our supper (the kids were already in bed - they ate earlier). I started looking and praying through a chapter in a book about being a godly mom and Nate emptied the dishwasher we heard the boys singing something upstairs.

I seems that Jared was teaching Peter the words to a song they both like. Peter runs to the top of the stairs and says, "Hey Daddy, come up here for a sec, I want to sing you a song." Even though they were supposed to be asleep, Nate walked over there and listened. Peter started singing The Gospel Song by Bob Kauflin. These are the words:
Holy God in love became
Perfect Man to bear my blame.
On the cross He took my sin,
By His death, I live again.

Proof that God is in control of this house. He directed my kids to sing praises to him after a hard, long, sin filled day. That light was precious!!

Hymn by Martin Luther...

2009-03-21T10:25:00.001-05:00

I read a different translation of Luther's hymn A Mighty Fortress is Our God this morning. I found it in my old 1897 Presbyterian Hymnal. The words were such an encouragement to me. If you know the tune to A Mighty Fortress is Our God you can sing along in worship. :)

A safe stronghold our God is still,
A trusty shield and weapon;
By His right arm He surely will
Free from all ills that happen.
For still our ancient foe
Doth seek to work us woe;
Strong mail of craft and power
He weareth for the hour;
On earth is not his fellow.

Stood we alone in our own might,
Our striving would be losing;
For us the one true Man doth fight,
The Man of God's own choosing.
Who is this chosen One?
'Tis Jesus Christ, the Son,
The Lord of Hosts, 'tis He
Who wins the victory
In every field of battle.

And were the world with devils filled,
And watching to devour us,
Our souls to fear we need not yield,
They cannot overpower us;
Their dreaded Prince no more
Can harm us as of yore;
His rage we can endure;
For lo! his doom is sure,
A word shall overthrow him.

Still must they leave God's word its might,
For which no thanks they merit;
Still is He with us in the fight,
With His good gifts and Spirit.
Even should they, in the strife,
Take kindred, goods, and life,
We freely let them go,
They profit not the foe;
With us remains the kingdom.
Amen.

Waiting...

2009-03-17T07:06:00.004-05:00

My kids love to go on trips. They are so excited and talk constantly about what they will do and where they will go and who they will see. Then we drive for 30 minutes in the car and we hear, "Are we there yet?".

This is how I have been recently. I am excited about spring coming. I am planning my gardening, landscaping changes, and spring cleaning. It is on my mind constantly. I write out lists, draw pictures, etc. But then I finish the lists and pictures, walk outside and see snow and mud everywhere and say, "How much longer?".

I realized this was just impatience and discontentment in my heart. Both are things I don't want there and I know shouldn't be there. Therefore, I will continue to pray and fight off impatience, but also look to the one who planned this spring to come in his time. For I know that he does all things well...

Be Amazed...

2009-03-09T07:47:00.003-05:00

If you want to be amazed and see even more how God is working in our lives and world, you need to see The Star of Bethlehem documentary. There is information on it here.

Nate & I watched it last night and were awestruck at how God planned his Son's Incarnation, Birth & Death and then wrote it out in the stars. This was one of my reactions to seeing this knowledge: "If God planned the skies to tell his story of redemption on the very night or day they happened, how much has he planned in my life!?!"

I encourage you today to stop and think about God's providence in your life and then realized he planned that before time began so you can spend the rest of time with him in heaven. Just let that fall on you and savor its sweetness!

Cure for pressures of being a mom...

2009-03-03T16:26:00.001-06:00

There is nothing like letting loose and being silly with one of my kids to take my thoughts away from the pressures of motherhood and housework.

Maybe I need more of this...