Loneliness...

I don't normally struggle with loneliness - I usually seek it. But a couple weeks ago I felt how it can sting.

There were many, many things going on in my life: I was running kids to and from summer school, my husband was working long hours, I was getting good fellowship time with friends and family; so there was no reason to feel lonely. But one morning I realized that the emotion causing all the pain inside me was loneliness.

I felt that nothing in my life was where it should be, no one in my life was where there should be or doing what they should do and I was at the end of my emotional rope. This was foreign ground and I was scared...what was I to do? I went back and forth in my mind with anger and bitterness and sorrow until the Spirit brought a verse to mind. It was the first part of James 4:8,

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you...

You see, I was lonely because I was wallowing in self-pity. My family and routine and home and friends were good blessings from God, but I was looking to them for peace from the business and chaos in my heart. I had put my circumstances and family (my husband in particular) on a pedastal as my salvation from this emotional pain.

God is so good to us, is he not? Here I was, rolling around - by choice - in idolatry and crying out to him, "Why is this hard?" and "Where are you?". Then he quietly and gently brought the light back so I could see how terribly sinful I was. Then I was allowed to repent and come back to him. The loneliness was taken away - because it was just an illusion.

Now don't get me wrong, I haven't conquered it. I know this will come back. But God has set a reminder in the path; he has put road markers on my path - I just need to keep my eyes open. :)

Here is a quote I am using to fight this from coming back:

When you experience loneliness, let your emotions be a signal that you need God.

And Lamantations 3:25:

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him; to the person who seeks Him.